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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28028322">Hello Stranger</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/185cmbaekhyun/pseuds/185cmbaekhyun'>185cmbaekhyun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Spectrum Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, I'm Sorry, M/M, No Smut, Shadow - Freeform, Strangers to Lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:01:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,631</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28028322</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/185cmbaekhyun/pseuds/185cmbaekhyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people believed that shadows were carriers of our souls, thus they were followers, attached to the ones they belonged to. Others believed stray shadows were spirits, thieves of slumber, and they lurked around in order to haunt people. However, the shadow in Jongin’s room was not quite like others.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Spectrum Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053005</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hello Stranger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>1/5 of Sehun centered fantasy series</p><p>Huge thanks to Mon, for hyping the hell out of this, for encouraging and helping me brainstorm with these crazy plots. This whole series is for you! ❤<br/>Also, again, amazing moodboards by @Jongixun, the most talented of us all.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>                                                                                                               </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He didn't quite know when he started sensing it, but it had been awhile since he first felt it. There was someone -- or something -- watching him. </p><p> </p><p>Mostly, he felt it when he was alone, in his room precisely. The presence was strong, consistent and always breathing down the back of his neck. However, whenever he turned around, he was met with nothing but his own shadow. </p><p> </p><p>Jongin grew the habit to keep the windows always strictly covered and shut tightly, even though he knew no one resided across the street. But the presence remained. As if they were lurking from within. It was all around, ghost-like, following him inconspicuously. And surprisingly, Jongin wasn’t exactly frightened, so to speak. </p><p> </p><p>According to Jongin’s evaluations, the presence was nothing short of … pure. It was pleasant to be around even, like the warmth of the sun kissing his skin. A rarity of its own. </p><p> </p><p>Amidst the harshness of his own loneliness, Jongin quietly brushed off the presence, albeit it being also some sort of indistinct company as far as he could allow. Mostly, it felt comforting and… private, for no one to judge. Jongin had never considered himself an ordinary guy, after all.</p><p> </p><p>It was an idea that lived in Jongin's mind, it was abstract and all but surreal, until one day, when the presence gained a voice, it became a relentless reality.</p><p> </p><p>“Watch out!” The voice yelled out suddenly, startling Jongin just as he distractedly rummaged through the cupboards for a bowl. The warning had him yelping and bumping his head against the corner of the cupboard door left wide open above him. He took a few moments to absorb the pain searing through his skull and swallow the rising panic in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>His harbored suspicions were finally proven to be right.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t alone.</p><p> </p><p>“Who’s there?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s me… I’m here,” A male voice replied. It was deep but with a raw serenity to it. Breathing heavily, Jongin’s head whipped around, searching for the source of the voice. It sounded close, but the room was still empty. Jongin frowned and groaned, pressing his hand where the pain throbbed in his head. Perhaps he’d had a concussion, and his mind was slowly losing itself in recurring hallucinations.  </p><p> </p><p>“Look at the wall.” Advised the voice, and reflectively, Jongin glanced over, meeting the dark shape standing next to his own shadow. Jongin gasped, suddenly freaked out, glancing back to the emptiness in front of him, unlike the manifestation displayed on the wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you--” Jongin trailed off, thunderstruck.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Jongin. I’m a shadow.” The dark cloud moved towards him, and in a moment of sheer panic, Jongin sprinted off towards the exit, only to come across the shape diving towards him, as if floating through the walls at an unearthly speed. Jongin froze, jaw dropping as he stared at the tall figure looming over him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m not gonna hurt you,” The shadow promised, on its reflection, Jongin saw its palms lifting in defense. It was tall and lean, but there was something almost alluring to it. As if its owner was pouring out health and richness. Its silhouette could somewhat exude glamour. A male, doubtlessly. He stood straight like he feared nothing, but motionless like he offered no threats. </p><p> </p><p>“I promise.” The shadow assured, his tone careful and enchanting. For a moment, Jongin deeply wished he could see the shadow’s face. He blinked twice, but all that stood in front of him was just darkness. </p><p> </p><p>“What happened to you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, honestly.” The shadow muttered. Jongin saw his shoulders slumping gloomily. He was hit with the same sentiment of constant melancholy he often felt around the presence - the shadow - So he took a breath and allowed the uneasiness to simmer down before asking.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you here?”</p><p> </p><p>“I have nowhere else to go.” The shadow's voice caught, almost as if it was hurting. </p><p> </p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p> </p><p>“I just want a place to stay.”</p><p> </p><p>“I want you to leave.” Jongin blurted out, disgruntled and confused. A shadow was the last thing he expected to manifest in front of his eyes. Thankfully, it wasn't anything to be scared of, just like he'd expected, but it was odd and downright nonsensical all the same. </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t.” The shadow melwed. “<em> Please </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care. Just leave.” Jongin demanded sharply, looking away, anywhere, where the murks of the shadow couldn't stretch to. Slowly, He felt it wander off, quiet and somber, until it was almost just a dull sensation in the air. Nonetheless, Jongin still felt him distantly, almost as if he could feel the shadow's sorrow wrapping around his own dismay. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Guilt crept into him as soon as he settled his nerves down. He seriously needed to get over himself. As far as he could tell, he wasn't the first one between the two of them to claim the apartment. It had been only a few months since Jongin moved in, and from the moment he stepped in, the apartment was already buzzing with dense energy. </p><p> </p><p>His mind kept drifting back to the moment where he harshly uttered impulsive words to the shadow. Jongin had never in his life raised his voice to anyone, not with so much anger, and it felt just unfitting to treat the shadow so rudely. He had a voice and a human shape, and he deserved to be treated as an actual person, at least to Jongin's morals. </p><p> </p><p>The shadow had been harmless and adequately well mannered, which only gave rise to Jongin's worries. He felt it when the shadow saddened upon Jongin's outburst, and he still felt it as he approached the kitchen, far into the left corner, where the apartment was seemingly oozing inconspicuous energy. </p><p> </p><p>He spotted the shadow crouched down, hugging his knees to his chest. Now, it looked small and frightened. Jongin approached cautiously, fearing it would float away in case it noticed him. Jongin leaned his hip against the edge of the sink, trying to come off as friendly this time. It seemed to work, since the shadow remained rooted in place. </p><p> </p><p>"You really can't leave, can you?"</p><p> </p><p>He received a response through a short shake of head, wordless. At least it reacted somehow. Jongin counted that as an advantage.</p><p> </p><p>"How long have you been here?"</p><p> </p><p>"Months, maybe years. I'm not sure."</p><p> </p><p>Jongin hummed thoughtfully. He wondered if the shadow had a collection of long-lived memories in that apartment, of all the sins it had witnessed stacked around those rooms, and for a brief second, he felt like he was the one trespassing. The shadow felt like part of that home, like it was painted on the walls rather than just living in it.  </p><p> </p><p>"Do you have a name?"</p><p> </p><p>Once again, the shadow shook his head, tucked it between his knees. Jongin sighed, folding his arms helplessly. "Look, I'm sorry. Please, come out. I don't want you to keep hiding here." He said, hoping he wasn’t making any critical mistake. He figured it couldn’t be that hard an agreement to get used to. They’d been sharing that apartment for months now, unconsciously so, from Jongin’s side. They could make this work, as weird as having a shadow for a roommate was. </p><p> </p><p>The shadow rose to a standing position that had Jongin sucking in a gasp. He was tall, not much taller than Jongin himself, but something about him made him look grandiose. </p><p> </p><p>"I promise you I will not come near you. I can stay in a different side of the apartment and--" Proposed the shadow, all enthusiasm and gratefulness. Jongin cut him off curtly, raising a palm. </p><p> </p><p>"It's okay. I guess I got used to… you." He gestured towards the length of the dark blur hovering over him, barely believing it himself. Perhaps he was just lonely, or outright losing his mind. Both sounded accurate. </p><p> </p><p>"You sound surprisingly detached." The shadow remarked. Jongin arched a brow, wondering if it was a bad or a good sign. Considering how uptight he was earlier, he supposed his composure couldn’t be such a bad thing now. </p><p> </p><p>"I was a little weirded out at first, for sure. But I guess this is better than finding out I had a ghost haunting me or something." He reasoned with a small smile. "You're not bad. I can feel it."</p><p> </p><p>The shadow bowed eagerly at him.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you. Honestly. I swear I'll never harm you. I'll never bother you. I can even protect you. I'll be your guard." He vowed in earnest, earning a tender chuckle from Jongin.</p><p> </p><p>"There's no need for that, really." He dismissed, pushing himself off from the sink. By all means, they could make this work, but that didn’t mean Jongin meant to be friends with a faceless being, no matter how lonely or mad he deemed himself to be. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Nestled in his usual seat, cosy with a blanket, Jongin rested up in front of the television after a long-suffering day of training. With performance day approaching, Jongin barely had time for himself, stopping by only to get a few hours of some deserved shut-eye, shake off the soreness of his muscles, and go back to the practice room. Thankfully, he’d earned some time off to catch the new episode of his favorite crime solving show. Glued to the screen with only pixel dim lights illuminating the dark room, he heard a gentle laugh from afar. Jongin’s brow creased right before he was reminded he had company. He got a glimpse of the shadow hiding behind the door frame, sneaking glances towards the TV. He hadn’t seen shadow guy in days, and it almost slipped from his mind that he resided there too. Shadow guy had kept his promise to not ever disturb Jongin, so it seemed. He kept his distance, giving Jongin his privacy, and quickly switched rooms whenever Jongin stepped foot into the units the shadow was hanging out in. </p><p> </p><p>"I can see you there." He mumbled, head resting lazily against the couch board. "Do you like this show?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yes. I watch it every week." Shadow guy responded softly from behind the frames. No wonder Jongin always felt like he was accompanied when he watched the show every week. He would often catch himself uttering enthusiastic comments here and there, for them to drift into the air, and now he knew there was someone listening to him all this time. It felt reassuring.</p><p> </p><p>"Have a seat then." Jongin offered nonchalantly, motioning to the vacant spot beside him. The shadow hesitated. Jongin quietly watched him waft close. Sometimes the shadow had a real, dark intangible shape that took form in the air, other times he was merely a diffusing shade wavering on surfaces and walls, as if he was trying to maintain himself hidden out. The shadow moved almost timidly, sat himself a little stiffly. </p><p> </p><p>There was a silent awkwardness as both stared at the TV while the show kept rolling. Anyhow, it was easy for Jongin to get back into the show in no time. Random and absent-minded comments were soon being exchanged, until the discomfort slowly ebbed away. When they were eagerly delved into the ongoing case presented, it felt like being around a friend. Their minds functioned in opposite ways. Sehun had an eye for strategies, while Jongin relied on details. Overall, Sadow guy proved to be beyond smart, his mind worked in wonderful ways. By the end of the show, Jongin had laughed and enjoyed himself like he hadn’t in quite a long time.</p><p> </p><p>"So, you're just a shadow?" He asked once the commercials were on. </p><p> </p><p>"I guess that's what I am."</p><p> </p><p>"Is it-- What does it feel like?" Jongin shifted in his seat a little avidly. He realized he had many questions he wanted to ask. The shadow was mystifying. Jongin was still bewildered by his existence. So real and steady. </p><p> </p><p>"Hmm… it's boring sometimes. I miss doing mundane things. Like eating and… touching people." Shadow guy responded restfully. Jongin nodded in awe. Being a shadow could have its perks, but it certainly wasn't as cool as Jongin had imagined. He guessed the shadow was lonely too, perhaps even more than Jongin was. </p><p> </p><p>"Don't you have any sorts of superpowers?"</p><p> </p><p>"I guess you can see it like that. I'm intangible and invisible. I could join the x-men."</p><p> </p><p>Jongin cackled. This shadow had a peculiar sense of humor, making Jongin laugh effortlessly. Another skill of his, apparently. Jongin just didn't laugh much. Not in a long while.</p><p> </p><p>"You're funny," Jongin chuckled. "I think we should give you a name."</p><p> </p><p>The shadow went still, and Jongin's inside twisted a little in a rush of embarrassment. He couldn't see if the shadow was confused or angry or offended by Jongin's precipitous act of friendliness. But when the other spoke again, his voice sounded cheery, and a little wonderstruck too.</p><p> </p><p>"What? You want to be my friend?"</p><p> </p><p>"It's better than being alone."</p><p> </p><p>"I'm a shadow." He reminded Jongin, but for some reason that didn't sound like a drawback to him.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, at least you won't fart or steal my food, right?" He joked, to make things a little less aberrant. "What do you think of… Shixun?"</p><p> </p><p>This time, it didn't frighten Jongin when the shadow froze. He was expectant. </p><p> </p><p>"I like it." He sounded pleased. Jongin thought the name suited him. A smile bloomed on his face, and it felt like something between them bloomed too, something afresh and genuine, like the beginning of something good.</p><p> </p><p>"Alright, Shixun."</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Things sort of fell into place after that. Shixun became a consistent part of Jongin’s routine. Eventually, he loosened up around Jongin, and despite the oddness of it all, Jongin enjoyed going home to some company waiting for him after work. Their show marathon became a tradition of every Friday night, though they soon found out they had complete opposite tastes in movies. For a shadow, Shixun really was way too fond of melodramatic flicks.</p><p> </p><p>He learned to communicate through Shixun's movements alone. His outline would flicker when he was excited and shrink when upset. If Jongin were to choose one word to describe him, it would be youth. No matter how long he might have been wandering, his soul preserved young and kind.</p><p> </p><p>When Jongin couldn’t sleep, they would have deep conversations about life.</p><p> </p><p>Jongin learned that Shixun valued life more than Jongin ever did, even though he didn’t have one. Shixun’s school of thoughts gave Jongin a whole new perspective on life as a whole, seeing it through the eyes of someone who cherished the fortunes of being alive. Sehun was beyond wise. He liked dawn, stargazing and puppies. </p><p> </p><p>Jongin tried not questioning the logic of it all. He didn’t really mind seeking for commonness when he smiled more often, when he actually looked forward to doing things he hadn't enjoyed in so long. </p><p> </p><p>"Have you ever wondered what happened to you? Before?" The question surged at the dawn of winter when they were watching the snowfall. It was cold outside, and while Jongin wondered if Shixun could feel the cold, he remembered the other couldn’t even step outside.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, all the time." Shixun sighed, staring up at the grey sky. "But then again, I think I'd rather not know. What if before this, there wasn't anything at all? And if there was, I can't have them anymore anyway."</p><p> </p><p>Regret filled Jongin. He lowered his head, suddenly feeling stupid and noisy. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry, I keep asking these questions. I'm just curious, really." He said dejectedly. Shixun tittered, one of his suppressed whimsical little sounds that reminded Jongin of a child. </p><p> </p><p>"Well, I just popped up here one day. Lived many days here on my own, tried to scream but no one could hear me." He made it sound so poetic, so drastically beautiful. </p><p> </p><p>"That sucks, man." Was all Jongin could give him.</p><p> </p><p>"It's fine. After you moved in things got a little more entertaining. I enjoyed watching your clumsiness around the apartment."</p><p> </p><p>"I'm not clumsy. But I'm glad I could entertain you." Jongin's mood shifted back to something upbeat in less than no time. Shixun really knew how to switch the emotions in the atmosphere around them, like a magic trick.</p><p> </p><p>"I think that makes it up to all the suffering." Shixun mumbled, drawing a look of mild confusion from Jongin. "Having you around." He explained, no indication of uncertainty in his voice whatsoever. </p><p> </p><p>Jongin thought he saw him sparkling. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Candle lights illuminated the whole apartment at 3a.m on a Tuesday. It was only them two with the night ahead of them and not much to do other than keep each other company. It was all they needed, anyway. Jongin watched, elated by Shixun's marvelous magic, as he shifted size and shape against the reflections. He was a huge bear first, then a small butterfly, and whatever he knew Jongin liked. Stupefied, Jongin felt like he was in his own wonderland. </p><p> </p><p>"What is it that you enjoy doing?" Jongin prompted, a little short-winded. "Besides this, I mean."</p><p> </p><p>Shixun shrank back to his regular shape and size, deftly and mesmerizing, before he answered in deep enthusiasm.</p><p> </p><p>"Dancing. I like dancing."</p><p> </p><p>Jongin’s face beamed with delight. "Really?" </p><p> </p><p>"I particularly enjoy watching you dance." Shixun’s confession had Jongin’s heart expanding in his chest in exhilaration. For all the days that he spent practicing around his apartment, twirling and leaping around, he felt bummed out for the lack of an audience. The audience always kept him going, giving him the energy boost required to come through with his performance. He had one special spectator all this time, and Jongin was pretty sure that was the source of the hazy stimulant he always felt he was given.</p><p> </p><p>"Then let's dance!" He exclaimed, springing up to his feet. Shixun swirled like the wind, all around Jongin. He was thrilled. </p><p> </p><p>They danced the night away, taking relish in every movement. Shixun flowed into the music, his elegance bursting through as he moved into the most vibrant picture of a beautiful soul. Limbs like liquid but still strong, sharp. He was in perfect synchrony with Jongin as well, regardless of tempo transitions. Where Jongin ended, Shixun began. </p><p> </p><p>In years of dancing, Jongin could never find someone that could quite match him. But Shixun did, like it was fated. </p><p> </p><p>In that moment, Jongin no longer saw him as just a shadow, he saw him as a soul. Bright and graceful. And perhaps, that was what he really was. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>"I envy you, Jongin." </p><p> </p><p>Jongin heard as he was dressing up for d-day. He stood in front of the mirror with disheveled hair and an unbuttoned shirt. He was nervous too, and sleep deprived. He had nasty blisters on the sole of his feet. There was nothing to be jealous of when he looked so much like disaster walking on legs. </p><p> </p><p>"Uh, why?" He questioned, baffled. Shixun was floating eerily just above his bed, sitting cross legged in the air, as if he was meditating. He did that a lot. </p><p> </p><p>"You can walk outside, and feel real things. You'll have hundreds of people watching you dance tonight. You have an appearance. I wish I could have a pretty face like yours."</p><p> </p><p>"What? Shut up," Jongin saw the blush creeping up his cheeks through the mirror. "Wait, you don't have some evil plan to possess my body, do you?"</p><p> </p><p>Shixun let out a resounding laugh, before mimicking clawing hands towards Jongin up in the air.</p><p> </p><p>"I'd keep an eye out if I were you." He warned. Jongin's eyes went wide, a little appalled. <em> Could he really do that? </em></p><p> </p><p>"I'm kidding. I don't even know if I can do it. Even if I did, this isn't something I would do." He assured, much to Jongin's relief. But then his shoulders drooped, signaling his distress. </p><p> </p><p>Jongin turned towards him briskly, unsure of what to do. He wished he could hug Shixun, but he couldn't. They were banned from touching. A groundless fate given by the universe. It was unfair. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey, no. Don't say that. Come on." He raised his palm. Shixun copied him almost too instantly, like a… shadow. "You don't need a face. You're already beautiful." Jongin told him truthfully, watching as their palms were inches from touching, but still too far apart. Shixun's palm shifted closer, but it ghostly went through Jongin's skin. All Jongin felt was a tingle, and then a shiver, soon followed by immense sadness. </p><p> </p><p>"No, I'm not. How could I be? I'm just darkness." Shixun muttered, his gaze no longer aware of Jongin. At least that was how it felt. Empty. </p><p> </p><p>"Well, to me you're more like light." Jongin confessed, and when he felt Shixun's gaze bathing over him again, he knew that was the evidence he needed to conclude that, despite what his eyes saw, what mattered was what his heart felt. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Jongin finally took Shixun’s advice to heart and went out with his friends. After months cooked up in his apartment, he supposed he needed a change, a fresh intake of urban air. He needed to interact with real people, someone he could hug and actually look in the eye, or so Shixun had convinced him of. </p><p> </p><p>Jongin, on the other hand, thought his life was progressing perfectly well. He had a top notch TV device, stable wifi connection, a comfy, large and expensive couch and Shixun. He was pretty much fulfilled in life. But maybe Shixun had a point. So, out Jongin went, albeit his reluctance.   </p><p> </p><p>Reuniting with his friends was certainly healing. It helped get his mind off things, and ease out all the stress from work. Jongin couldn’t deny he was having a good time. But as time went by, he caught himself thinking of Shixun. Missing him. He could no longer concentrate on his surroundings, slowly disassociating from himself. When his friends didn’t get the inside joke he shared with Shixun, or when they kept trying to push him to have more than a bottle of beer when they knew for a fact Jongin disliked drinking. There was just this enormous void that no one else seemed to be able fill. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t befitting for just a friend. And it made Jongin wonder if Shixun was just a friend at all, when all Jongin wanted was to stroll around with him, hold his hand and hear his laughter.  </p><p> </p><p>Made up excuses sent him back home in urgency to just be with Shixun. He found him lounging under Jongin’s bed, his favorite spot in the house even from before they got closer, for whatever reason Jongin never bothered to question. </p><p> </p><p>"You're back, already?" Shixun asked heartily upon meeting Jongin’s eyes snooping down the bed. He waggled out from beneath in swirling, wavering motions, until he stood in front of Jongin. </p><p> </p><p>"I wasn't really having fun." Jongin shrugged, grinning broad and clear. "Also, I was missing you."</p><p> </p><p>He felt Shixun shifting closer, so close that if he wanted, Jongin would willingly let him take over his body. His heart was beating in overdrive, loud in his ears, and definitely audible in Shixun’s ears too, but Jongin didn’t care. The void has been blown over, and now Jongin’s was just pure bliss.</p><p> </p><p>"Looks like you're getting attached." Shixun teased, with a sultry lilt to his voice. Jongin's mouth moved, and he stumbled upon his words. There was no point in denying it, anyway. Not when he wasn't even trying to hide it. </p><p> </p><p>"Can we watch that movie?"</p><p> </p><p>"Not if it's horror, no." Shixun whined instantly, pulling an affectionate chuckle from Jongin. </p><p> </p><p>"You're such a pussy for a shadow. It's not horror, it's more like suspense." He promised. "I'm just going to take a shower real quick, alright?" </p><p> </p><p>Shixun nodded, amusement evident in his vibrant voice. "Don't take too long or I'm starting without you." He warned humorously, </p><p> </p><p>Jongin went into the shower stall unconcerned, knowing Shixun would, in fact, wait for him. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>When Jongin walked out of the shower, refreshed and unhurried, he found Shixun waiting on the bed, just like Jongin had expected him to. Shixun could be unpredictable in many ways, but when it came to his loyalty, he would never falter. Shixun sat obediently, seemingly expectant for Jongin’s return, who felt immediately the other’s gaze shroud him. It was intense and full of erratic devotion. It followed Jongin as he made a beeline for the dressers, making him feel shy but <em> wanted </em>. He knew Shixun was looking, staring, adoring his nakedness. And Jongin didn’t want him to stop, he relished in it, in knowing Shixun saw him with raw desire. Jongin’s knuckles trembled as he gripped the drawer, feeling Shixun’s gaze still heavy and unruly on him. Heat spread through Jongin’s body, and he deliberately let the towel around his waist slip down to the floor. </p><p> </p><p>He heard Shixun gasp and groan from behind, standing suddenly within reach. </p><p> </p><p>"Jongin," He murmured, his voice reaching Jongin’s ear and cutting his breath short, kissing up against his skin.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t dare turn. Unable to measure the risks if he did so. "Yeah?"</p><p> </p><p>"I wish I could touch you right now."</p><p> </p><p>A shiver torrented down Jongin’s spine, so violent and dominant he swallowed, let his eyes slip shut. "Me too," He whispered, craving for a touch, itching for even just a slight stroke. It was so desperate his eyes started watering and stinging, his lips quivering. But when he felt Sixhun’s presence flowing all around him, so powerful, it soothed him, as though it could control him.</p><p> </p><p>In the end, even when they couldn’t touch, Jongin knew that when he had Shixun by his side, nothing else could measure up.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>His shadow was reflecting on the ceiling above him. By its side, Shixun floated in the leisure of a Sunday afternoon. The shadows were touching, hands on top of each other’s, tied up like two becoming one. It was tender and whole, like the tumbling dark hues on an intricate painting.</p><p> </p><p>Unlike the daydream playing on the ceiling, Jongin's side was empty. He caught himself trapped between the certainty of eternal love, and the unfairness of the inability to touch. </p><p> </p><p>"You're frowning," Sixhun noted. Upon glancing at him, Jongin wished he could also see the expressions on Shixun's face, see if he would look as worried as he sounded.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm just thinking."</p><p> </p><p>"Then don't."</p><p> </p><p>On the ceiling, Shixun's figure started glitching, almost as if he was vanishing. It lasted for less than two seconds, but Jongin still caught the exact moment Shixun mishapped. Panic shot through Jongin, having him bolting up. </p><p> </p><p>"What's happening?" He croaked anxiously. Shixun kept glitching, the duskiness of his soul becoming dull and transparent. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't know?" He sounded just as terrified as Jongin, though not painful, just… adrift. For another fleeting seconds, he kept twitching in unsteady flashes of darkness. Jongin could only watch, helpless and drowning in his own despair. Until it all stopped. It just stopped. Shixun was uniform again, under control. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey, are you okay?" Jongin knelt beside him, eyes awash with tears. He was so, so scared and confused. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm-- I feel weird." Shixun stared at his hands and arms, as if they were going to fade away. Jongin could only guess how horrified he was. </p><p> </p><p>"You can't leave me, Sehun. Promise me you won't." Jongin drawled, hands hovering around Shixun's frames. The closest he could ever be. Shixun kept mum, head hanging down, like misery. When he spoke, he sounded just as broken as he was sure. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't think I can promise you that."</p><p> </p><p>Struck in the tragedy of it all, they still couldn't hug each other. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>It started happening often and randomly, and slowly his blackness also started clearing out. Too weak to execute his magic, he spent most his days and nights tucked in corners and under beds. If once the house was filled with joy and passion, now all Jongin felt was fear and sorrow plagued all around. </p><p> </p><p>Foolishly, Jongin thought Shixun's love would last for as long as he lived. But Shixun was dying. And there was nothing Jongin could do about it. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't think I have much time." Sehun told him from behind the curtains, where light couldn't catch him, hurt him. "I'm fading."</p><p> </p><p>"No, please. We can stop this. I'll find a way." Jongin insisted in his fury. He wanted to fight, wanted to figure this out, even if it took him his whole life. </p><p> </p><p>"Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe I'm just supposed to go." Shixun emitted tranquility and resignation, accepting his fate as easily as he entered Jongin's life. It was honestly ironic. </p><p> </p><p>"No. Not like this. What about me?"</p><p> </p><p>Shixun sighed, coming out from behind the silky drapes. He no longer floated, instead, it looked like he was dragging himself along the floor, until he reached Jongin. He looked small, and his color was dull, ceasing. </p><p> </p><p>"Jongin, you're real. There's so much for you out there. I can't hold you off any longer."</p><p> </p><p>Jongin shook his head vehemently as a tear broke down. He was still in profound denial, angry and desolate. </p><p> </p><p>"Fuck that. I don't care whatever it's out there you think it's better for me. I want you to stay." He hissed, scrubbing a hand down his face. His tears felt like acid melting his skin. "You want that too, right?"</p><p> </p><p>"I wish I could stay with you. But I also want to be enough." Shixun said, dejectedly.</p><p> </p><p>"You're enough."</p><p> </p><p>"I'm just a shadow. Soon, not even that. I'll become a memory, and I hope you'll treasure that for as long as you live." Shixun quavered again, this time nearly even there. He was just outlines of stunning proportions, still beautiful and unique. Each time he fluttered, Jongin dreaded that would be the last moment, the last sight. At any time, inevitably, it would be. </p><p> </p><p>"I will," Jongin breathed, trying to find the light in him. There wasn't any. "because I love you."</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>The first thing Jongin felt when he awoke was emptiness. In, out and deep. Immediately, he called for Sehun in utter despair. There was no answer. </p><p> </p><p>He scrambled out of the bed and went straight into search mode. He hastily checked under the bed and behind the curtains, even hoped to find him hanging upside down on the ceiling, startling Jongin and exclaiming 'it's a prank!' Like he did so many times. </p><p> </p><p>Shixun was gone. He had faded completely. </p><p> </p><p>Even so, Jongin waited. He sat by the door and waited. Prayed, cried. It was as if the world had shrunken away to leave a cold void around his skin, as if he had become detached from reality itself.</p><p> </p><p>He wandered into a world of his own, memories dancing with fantasies until the line between them was blurred. Months that felt like an eternity of unforgettable memories, of something real. Jongin refused to entertain the mere idea that he was slipping from his sanity. </p><p> </p><p>Shixun was real. Had been real, and they had loved each other irrevocably.</p><p> </p><p>The silence echoing in his ears was a constant noise that never shut up. So day became night, and Jongin was still alone, like he'd never been before. He didn't even know what it felt like anymore to be on his own, without the warm presence of someone watching over him. </p><p> </p><p>He was not going to succumb to his grief, not this soon. Struggling to push himself off the floor, he fished out his phone, dialing the landlord's number he rarely bothered reaching out to. It was a matter to connect two and two, and unleash out the truth, prove to himself he wasn't losing his mind, that the one he loved wasn't just a project out of his depression. </p><p> </p><p>"Hello Mr. Kim. That's a surprise. Is everything alright?" Mr. Lee said, sounding patient as ever. </p><p> </p><p>He was a good elderly man, who treated Jongin like a grandson of his own whenever they met. He’d made a great deal with Jongin in order to sign a lease, glad that someone had finally shown interest in the apartment after so long. </p><p> </p><p>Jongin should have at least tried to be in touch with the man, showed some gratitude, but now it was too late for regretting that.</p><p> </p><p>"I need you to give me information about the previous lessee of this apartment." He sniffed into his arm before saying, cleared his throat too. He would have asked how Mr. Lee is going too, would try making conversation, maybe some other time, when life wasn’t falling apart. Right now, he had more important matters to deal with. Something he should have done a long time ago, if fear of the truth hadn’t held him back.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I remember him. It was a sad story, honestly." Mr. Lee lamented. Jongin's heart sank in the same breath. </p><p> </p><p>"What happened to him? Who was him? Tell me." He urged, voice cracking. Mr. Lee paused a little, perhaps suspicious of Jongin's sudden interest and obvious discomposure. </p><p> </p><p>"He was such a kind young man. A college graduate. His name was Oh Sehun." He informed, heightening Jongin's uneasiness.</p><p> </p><p>"Was?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, he got into a really brutal car crash. His family took care of the rest of his lease and then I've never heard about him again."</p><p> </p><p>Jongin’s body went numb, his vision whitened, and a cold sweat ran down his spine. Shixun was real. Gone all the same, but real. Not only that, but he also had a name. </p><p> </p><p>Oh Sehun. </p><p> </p><p>That was the last thing Jongin managed to utter, howbeit weak, before the world around him suddenly shut out. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>It took him a few days to finally muster up the courage to drop by the hospital, after long sleepless nights of grueling probing and nosing. </p><p> </p><p>The articles from 5 years ago all had covered the accident involving a bus and resulting in quite a lot of deaths. However, Sehun’s name wasn’t on the list of fatal victims. It was hope waving at him, calling him in. He found Sehun’s name registered as a patient at the Seoul National University Hospital, not in the most legal approaches. Admitted but never discharged. Now, there Jongin was, standing motionless at the entrance hall, hope alternating with fear while the world seemed to move around him, but he remained rooted in place. When he finally reached the balcony hall, his mind was clouding with the worst kinds of emotions.  </p><p> </p><p>"I'm here for Oh Sehun." He managed, still rather shaky. The receptionist lady’s face was instantly awestruck.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you a close friend?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I am." Jongin answered firmly this time. Even though he’d only learned Sehun’s name less than a week ago, to his best judgement, they were more than close.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm truly sorry. Only family members are allowed as visitors." The lady said with a look of compassion. But Jongin could barely register anything. Sehun was alive, he was fine. That was all that swimmed in his mind. Relief brought tears to his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>"Is he-- Is he okay?" He asked in between hiccups. The woman sprang out her seat to rub a comforting hand down Jongin’s back. She seemed touched by Jongin’s outpouring of tears, wanting to offer him solace.</p><p> </p><p>"He’s more than okay. It's like he wasn't asleep for 5 years at all. The doctors didn’t have any hope for recovery. I can only call that a miracle.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongin’s tears intensified, and he no longer cared for self-control, resting his head on the stranger’s shoulder and crying away everything that had been suffocating him. He was held and comforted, until the woman took pity.</p><p> </p><p>"Look, this didn't come from me, but..." She held in at arm’s length, looked into his eyes. "He's outside right now taking a stroll." She jerked her head discreetly towards the yards. “You didn’t hear this from me.” She patted his shoulder, slipping a visitor’s card into his hands. Jongin was very aware of the cameras, so before bowing and thanking her over and over again for his immense gratitude, he tucked the card into his pockets, barely believing it.</p><p> </p><p>He was going to meet Sehun. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>He sat on a wheelchair admiring the flowers. The sun beamed upon him, and even from just the sight of his back towards him, Jongin already knew Sehun was of a breathtaking beauty amidst the vivacity of the vast garden. His hair was luscious, dark and long, enhancing the tone of his snow-pale skin.</p><p> </p><p>Jongin approached him with his heart leaping maddenly inside his chest, with eager anticipation increasing his pulse. He had no idea of what to tell him, if he should just fall to his knees and pull him into his arms, something he had craved for so long. Mostly, he thought he just wouldn’t be able to do anything at all, just stand there and let himself cry. </p><p> </p><p>His legs stopped short in shock as soon as Sehun whirled around. He was stunning, even more so than Jongin imagined. He was beyond stupefied. Sehun looked healthy and tranquil. His skin was milky and smooth-looking. Pretty features carved by God Himself in perhaps an attempt of gracing humanity. Jongin noticed the delicacy of his pink knuckles, ears and knees, and the rigidness of his strong, large hands and shoulders beneath those garments. </p><p> </p><p>"Is everything alright?" Sehun asked, his deep voice reaching Jongin’s ears in a startle. It was the same voice he fell in love with. The same voice that made him feel living was worthy. </p><p> </p><p>Speechless, Jongin’s mind sought a response, but he came up with nothing, so he gave him his honesty.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm so glad you're okay."</p><p> </p><p>Sehun frowned. He had sculpted eyebrows that curved beautifully on his brows. And his eyes, God, his eyes held the glow of a thousand stars. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry. Do I know you?" Sehun questioned, a little intrigued. Jongin felt like he’d been punched in the stomach, and all his hopes crumbled inside him. </p><p> </p><p>"It's me. Don't you remem--" Jongin trailed off, reason catching up to him. "Never mind, I think I'll just leave. I just wanted to tell you I--" He stammered, suddenly feeling self-conscious, violating so many of Sehun’s rights. Of course he wouldn’t remember. He had been in a coma for over 5 years. His forgetting, above anything else, was reasonable, but it didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt any less. Jongin turned on his heels, awkward and desperate, tears gathering in his eyes for different reasons now. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Sehun called, causing Jongin to halt his steps abruptly. "Have we met before?"</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, Jongin turned and shrugged. He would not lie, not to Sehun, not ever. Sehun fell into deep thought, his frown hardening as if his brain was struggling to remember Jongin. As if he wanted to, needed to remember. </p><p> </p><p>"I feel like we might have. I'm sorry my brain is still a little fuzzy." Sehun scowled in irritation. Maybe not now, maybe it wasn’t the best time to remember. Maybe, he wasn’t supposed to remember. All Jongin knew is that they were supposed to be there, to have met. From then onwards, it would be up to themselves, the universe had done its part.</p><p> </p><p>"What's your name?" Sehun asked softly, curiosity breamming in his dark brown eyes that had Jongin utterly transfixed. </p><p> </p><p>"Jongin. Kim Jongin." He said, the introduction that had never happened, because they hadn't quite needed one. Now, it felt like a different start, a new chance. This time, they were going on the right path where both belonged in the same world. </p><p> </p><p>Sehun smiled. His mind might not remember, but his soul did, it was just a matter of time until he fell in love again. And for as long as Sehun allowed him, Jongin would make sure he would.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/_sehuning_">X</a><br/>twitter!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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